by Chaya Goldstein | Jan 27, 2016 | Recaps
Sitting together and sharing from our hearts kept us warm last Monday night (that, and some heat too!) We connected with each other through genuine listening, authentic sharing and lots of laughter. There were 25 people in attendance, 24 People Who stutter, including 2 newcomers, and 1 Speech Language Pathologist. Here is some of what we discussed:
The Power of The Mind
This topic came up when a member shared how when he anticipated stuttering, his stuttering increased. We spoke about actions we could take to step into our power instead of allowing our thoughts to take charge. One member shared how planning a stuttering awareness day at her college was helping her feel more empowered. Another person shared how focusing on actively listening and being present in conversations helped her stutter less.
Fasten Your Seatbelts, It’s Going to Be a Bumpy Ride
When talking about the challenges of being a Person Who Stutters, one member compared his stuttering to a roller coaster ride. He described how sometimes his stuttering took him for a spin and wrecked his day when he least expected it. This led to a conversation about the unpredictability of stuttering and ways to manage the twists and turns. Ideas such as voluntary stuttering, advertising, and embracing the possibility of losing control were presented as successful ways to handle such circumstances.
Turning Challenge Into Opportunity
One of our members inspired us when he shared how he effectively handled a customer at work who was rude to him because of his stutter. Instead of taking it personally, he chose to advertise and voluntary stutter. The customer became appreciative, even apologetic, and thanked him for sharing. It was great reminder of how the right attitude and perspective can turn difficult moments into growing opportunities.
It’s All Part of The Process
We spoke about the value and importance of attending support group meetings as a way to become more accepting of our stuttering. Members agreed that feeling understood in a safe place allows us to process our experiences without judgment, and gain perspective on negative beliefs that may have festered for years. Appreciation and gratitude were expressed for our monthly meeting, as well as our budding stuttering community in New York City.
It was a treat to get to spend time with all you. We look forward to seeing you again next month.
Till then,
Chaya | NSA Midtown Chapter Co-leaders
by Chaya Goldstein | Aug 22, 2015 | Recaps
Despite the New York City heat and end-of-summer vacationing, we had a nice turn out on Monday night. There were 22 people in attendance, nineteen old timers and two newcomers, including one SLP. We enjoyed meaningful conversation and lots of laughs. Here is some of what we discussed:
Riding and Derailing
We started the meeting by talking about the dangers of ‘riding the wave of fluency’ and what happens when we fall prey to this common phenomenon. One person came up with the analogy of a train moving too fast, with one small pebble on the track derailing the train. The analogy resonated with a lot of people who then spoke about the initial thrill of being fluent, followed by the moment of stuttering when their speech came to screeching halt, and the feelings of defeat that followed.
Stuttering Comfortably
This led to a conversation about what we can do to avoid these experiences. It opened the topic of stuttering openly and comfortably. Those with experience in this area shared excellent ideas. They included action-oriented ideas such as voluntary stuttering, stuttering on purpose in a slow, relaxed manner on non-feared words, and advertising, letting the person you are speaking with know that you stutter. More holistic ideas were addressed too, such as meditating, practicing mindfulness, and working on an attitude of acceptance.
Breaking the Block
“How do you get out of a block?” was the question posed by a newcomer curious to hear what others did when faced with this common challenge. Answers varied from using the moment of blocking as an opportunity to advertise stuttering, to using easy repetitions to ‘bounce’ out of the block. We also spoke about how a block is the result of an intense desire to avoid stuttering, and how stuttering more openly and working on an attitude of acceptance can reduce blocking.
Stuttering Stigma in China
A very brave and outspoken member shared how stuttering is stigmatized in her home country, China. She shared about how coming to the states has been life -changing and how she is no longer a “closet stutterer.” Her new attitude of acceptance and taking ownership of her stutter was very powerful and inspiring.
Peace of Mind
The topic of having peace of mind came up several times during the night. It surfaced when someone shared that he has internal peace now that he is no longer chasing fluency, and when someone said she accepted that she would stutter for the rest of her life. Another person shared how caring less about what other people think and more about how he feels gives him peace. Ultimately, we agreed it comes down to focusing inward, caring for ourselves, and honoring the place where we are at. We ended the meeting by sharing small things we do in our day to find that peace, including celebrating small victories.
Till next time,
– Chaya | www.nycstutters.org
by Chaya Goldstein | May 23, 2015 | Recaps
Our Monday night meeting was a great way to end the beautiful spring day. We had 23 people in attendance-18 people who stutter, a devoted dad, 2 Speech Language Pathologists and 2 graduate students. A huge welcome to our newcomers Benjamin, Alex, Igor,Rachel, Ellie, Jean, Ryan, Cindy and Mike! To all you courageous souls, we are so glad you joined us and look forward to seeing you again. Our group split into two and enjoyed great conversation. Here is some of what was discussed:
The Benefits of Advertising
We spoke about the benefits of letting others know that you stutter. One member said that when he is open about his stuttering he finds himself becoming much more fluent. Someone else said that not having to think about stuttering is “liberating,” freeing him from the mental energy otherwise used to avoid stuttering. Many agreed that advertising can be frightening at first but then turns out to be a huge stress reliever and makes communicating more joyful.
Desensitization
The topic of voluntary stuttering (stuttering on purpose in a relaxed manner on non-feared words), was broached when talking about ways to decrease the fear surrounding stuttering. We spoke about how everyone has their own fear hierarchy and that voluntary stuttering is one way to become desensitized to the stuttering experience. One person shared how he really liked experimenting with voluntary stuttering because it gave him a sense of control over the thing that normally controlled him. Another person said that while it initially felt counterintuitive, the ability to play with stuttering turned fear on it’s head in a way that nothing else could.
The Paradox of Our Stuttering Desires
We talked about the paradox of stuttering, how when we want to be more fluent, the less fluent we become. Someone said that he found that letting himself stutter actually decreased his stuttering and allowed him to be better attuned to the conversation. We discussed how when we focus our attention on being effective communicators rather than being fluent speakers we are often pleasantly surprised by the outcome.
Letting Go
Someone brought up the importance of stepping into challenging situations despite not knowing how it will turn out. This is the ultimate act of letting go and takes courage and resilience. We applaud those with the internal courage to face such challenges by themselves. We also know the importance of having external support, which is why we are so grateful for the NSA, our monthly meet-ups and the stuttering community.
Exciting Events
Here are some upcoming events you will want to be part of:
NYC Stutters Palisades Spring Hike – Join us next Sunday, May 31st for a beautiful hike just a little over 30 minutes outside the city. Click here for more details and to RSVP.
NSA Annual Conference – The 32nd annual conference is taking place during July 4th week. Enjoy hanging out and having a blast with hundreds of people who stutter. Click here to find out more information and to sign up. This is really a special event, and if you’re on the fence about going, please reach out to us for questions.
If you haven’t done so yet, please like our Facebook page here to stay in the loop with summer events and outings!
by Chaya Goldstein | Mar 20, 2015 | Recaps
Our Monday night meeting was held at our new location, Aspire Center for Health and Wellness, on West 35th street. There were 31 people in attendance, 4 Speech-Language Pathologists, 1 graduate student, and 2 first-timers. Welcome Jessica and Seth, we are so glad you joined! We split into two groups so that everyone had an opportunity to engage in meaningful conversation. Here are some of the topics we discussed:
Facing Fear
We spoke about how facing the discomfort of stuttering and being open about our stutter is more effective than relying on our ‘speech tools’ and attempting to pass as fluent. Many agreed that our tools often fail us when we need them the most. Turning toward, and easing through the discomfort, rather than running from it, empowers us and gives us the courage to face more speaking situations. One member shared how he stutters openly, and if someone looks at him disrespectfully, he addresses the person with confidence and dignity. Another person shared that he finds that maintaining eye contact, a confident body posture, and demeanor, affects how people perceive him. This got us talking about perception, and how when we communicate confidently, others perceive us that way. At the same time, we also spoke about how we don’t always have our A game on and that we have tough days. We acknowledged that there are times that we get a bad reaction, an awkward silence, or a mean look. We acknowledged that not everyone is understanding and sensitive, and sometimes it really hurts.
Advertising
Someone brought up the topic of advertising, that is, letting someone know at the start of the conversation that you stutter. He said it was frightening, and at the same time, liberating. He shared how advertising changed his life, and that he currently has his dream job because of his ability to advertise. Another member shared that he likes advertising, because, in addition to releasing the tension he feels, it holds the other person responsible to react appropriately. One person shared how she wanted to advertise to her class, but knew that her classmates already knew she stuttered, so she wasn’t sure what the point was. This led us to talk about how advertising is not about the other person, but ourselves. Advertising is about owning our stutter so that we get to decide how to handle it, and not let our stutter handle us.
Acceptance
We also spoke about acceptance. One person said that he accepted a long time ago that he stuttered, and that he was aware of how his stuttering affected several interviews and may have cost him potential jobs. However, he said that despite his stutter, he is now at the job that he wanted, and that “fate has a way of working things out.” Another person added to this saying, sometimes stuttering really impacts you in ways you wish it didn’t, but for every loss there is a gain. One person said that he believes stuttering makes us more kind and compassionate, and another person said that it build character and makes us stronger people.
It was incredible to see all of you at the meeting this Monday! Join us again next month for more great conversations, good laughs, and support.
Until then,
Chaya
by Chaya Goldstein | Dec 19, 2014 | Recaps
After an awesome holiday party on Saturday night that set the New York City stuttering community abuzz our chapter met once again on Monday evening to connect, share, talk, laugh, listen, and learn. We had 14 attendees in total, 13 old- timers and one newcomer. Welcome Rajiev!
Our meeting started with the reading of the opening words and was followed by a brief introduction of all those present. We opened the floor to sharing and got straight to the heart of things with a conversation about being “put on the spot” and how it affects stuttering, a topic that resonated with many in the room. A member shared his experience of representing his work team on a conference call for the first time on short notice, and how it exacerbated his stuttering, leaving him feeling disappointed and defeated. The conversation led to a reflection about what happened and we spoke about what did and did not work. One member pointed out that there was an unmet expectation going into the experience, namely that there would be sufficient time to mentally prepare for such a call, and that changing the expectation could result in a different outcome. Another member pointed out that although the conversation did not go as liked, it was a success in that unchartered territory was stepped into and that such a situation would likely result in less fear next time. We spoke some more about how sometimes we don’t know how capable we are until we are pushed into a corner and our limits are tested. As one person said “we don’t know what shoes we are capable of filling until we dare to step into them.” We also spoke about how victory is not always obvious at the time we are achieving it and that it’s only when we look back that we are able to see how the moments of pain were the moments of unbelievable growth.
Following this the conversation took a more contemplative turn. A member brought up the topic of the universality of stuttering, how fascinating it is that it’s one of the oldest communication disorders known to man and that it affects people all across the globe. Another person built on this thought and said that stuttering has this magical ability to connect people of all races, religions and backgrounds. We took a moment to be grateful to be part of a group that understands what it means to look beyond exteriors and connect through matters of the heart.
We had one inspiring share that got the whole group excited. A member challenged herself to step out of her comfort zone and sing a karaoke song out loud in a public setting. This individual shared how she was shocked at the level of comfort she experienced while facing her fear, and that the experience boosted her self confidence. Because of this she is finding herself approaching speaking situations with a positive attitude and is more open to facing challenges that arise with stuttering. Members in the room echoed their admiration for this incredible feat and this started a conversation about the benefits of desensitization exercises. We spoke of how frightening it feels at first to do the thing we fear the most, and then of the sense of freedom and invincibility that follows once we’ve looked our demons in the eye and see that they are nothing more than a mirage with no substance.
Of course a meeting is no fun without a few good laughs and we did just that by reminiscing about our past. We talked about what we did during our school years to get out of uncomfortable speaking situations in class. How we craftily calculated paragraphs, letters and numbers to know exactly when our turn would be. How we’d make a mad dash for the bathroom and hang out there for way longer than we cared to, all so that we would be saved from the unthinkable horror called reading. Some of us lied and told our teachers that we did not have our books when they were right in our bag, others convinced friends to read for us. While the terror was real then, we found it is incredibly healing to laugh about it with other people who get it in a way that no one else can.
Speaking of the past, one member brought up how sometimes just when he thinks he moved on and got over a particular experience the feelings resurface in a real and raw way that make it challenging to move forward. Another member spoke about the mystery of stuttering, and how a particular fear of the past can creep up and become a problem again. This brought us full circle to the topic of desensitization, the wonderfully terrifying heads on approach that has the ability to break through fears deeper than the thickest icebergs.
Toward the end of the meeting we discussed the benefits of advertising. Those in favor of advertising agreed that it puts both the speaker and the listener at ease and makes speaking a more pleasurable experience. Since advertising can be done in so many different ways, we discussed that there is no “right way” to go about it. Some prefer a direct approach while others prefer an indirect one. Even those who love advertising sometimes choose not to do so at all.We all agreed that at the end of the day it is most important to respect our feelings and go with what feels right at that given moment.
Our meeting ended on a high note, when a member who never read out loud before volunteered to read the closing words. It’s such risk taking and acts of courage that keeps the momentum going and the incredible energy flowing.
Adios for now my friends, until next time.
