by Stavros Ladeas | Aug 20, 2014 | Recaps
Greetings my Friends,
We had a fantastic group on Monday, and as usual we had a great turnout. There were 19 of us in total, and 3 first-timers – welcome Dennis, Mordechai and Lenard!
We started off with intros, told the group why we were here and if we had any exciting end of summer plans coming up. Most of us did, so that was really nice to hear. Then we split up into two groups and talked about several issues.
We discussed the unconventional reactions we sometimes get as people who stutter, and how it can be tough to NOT take things personally. But then the idea was brought up of ‘why let some stranger have the power to ruin your day’ with a weird comment they just made when that just reflects what kind of shitty day they are having, or what kind of person they are. In either case, it seems that we may have more power than what we sometimes think in how we let people’s reactions to our stuttering effect us.
This led the conversation to when it is appropriate to advertise, to tell someone that you stutter, in case the listener is confused as to what is going on.. or to just allow yourself to stutter in a safer environment. And with most things stuttering related, there is no one set rule, but perhaps experimentation should can be encouraged. But the consensus seemed to be that advertising seemed more appropriate to do for yourself, and not the other person.
On that note, most people we come across everyday are cool, socially smart and/or patient, but every now and then, we get that one person who seems to act in a dumb way. Do you let it go? Do you take it as an opportunity to advocate for yourself? Do you educate them? Again, there doesn’t seem to be one answer, but it is important to remind yourself that your voice and your message is VERY important and should be heard, regardless of how it comes out.
We talked about some other super interesting things, and you will have to join us next time to get the full scoop of what goes on in our meetings.
Enjoy the rest of your summer! And if you plan on joining us for the NSA Sunday hike in a few days, you can RSVP here. Today will be the last day to do so since we need a couple days to finalize the car pool arrangement. And if you can drive, please let us know. We just need one more driver, and gas money will be provided.
by Stavros Ladeas | May 25, 2014 | Recaps
Last Monday we had a nice turnout – 18 people in total, 16 PWS and 4 first-timers to our group. Welcome Mike, Melissa, Dan and Micheala. Before splitting into two groups, as we have been lately for our discussion, we watched an 8-minute video that has recently gone viral to use as a talking point. The clip was of a commencement speech given by a student, Parker Mantell, who was graduating from Indiana University. He was also a PWS and gave an inspirational speech about how he challenged himself, interning at a major TV network and serving some of the highest lawmakers in our country. The latter included answering calls for the majority leader of the US House and making thousands of calls for a high profile US governor.
We examined points of his speech and how it related to our own experiences. A couple of our members expressed how phone calls have been a challenge for them in the workplace. One (PWS) may wonder, did Parker advertise on his phone calls, or did he just stutter openly, and/or did he use some sort of fluency modification technique? We focused on what we did know, and if you’re goal is 100% fluency, and you are a person who stutters, and you put pressure on yourself to be fluent, in most case, perhaps not all, but in most cases, chances are you’re going to have a pretty shitty experience. So what are we left to do?
[I should note here, total fluency is a goal of some of our members. What may work for one PWS may not work for someone else. But many of our members want to focus on what they can actually control, our mindset, and the tone of our discussions lately has been that of self-acceptance, and the power that comes with that.]
The discussion lead to the idea of what it means to be an effective communicator? As it turns out, fluency doesn’t automatically result in effective communication. There are many variables that make someone an effective communicator – one’s tone, being genuine, being present, eye-contact, being a good listener, being succinct, just to name a few. One could even argue that Parker himself may even be a better communicator than some of the high profile lawmakers he was interning for.
One of our members, a longtime teacher and coach, and PWS, expressed how he believes he has been a very effective communicator over the years. For him, accepting his stuttering usually meant stuttering with confidence and stuttering in an easy way, usually, but not always, with little tension. Thinking back during our school days, how many times did we fall asleep trying to listen to a boring, but fluent lecture? Are you an effective communicator when even the non sleep-deprived students are also wandering off? Probably not.
The reality is, whether stuttering is depicted in the media or not, there are many people, just like our friend Parker who are leading very happy and successful lives as PWS. But we face challenges, and this is why we continue to come to these groups, to learn from one another and empower one another.
If you’d like to meet some amazing people who stutter, join us for this year’s NSA Annual Conference. It’s just a few weeks away, and some of us will be driving down for the short trip. Click here if you’d like to find out more information about the conference.
by Stavros Ladeas | Apr 25, 2014 | Recaps
Once again we had a great turnout. There were 20 of us in attendance and five first timers to our group – welcome Jacob, Julia, Jennifer, Kodjo and Karansha. We introduced ourselves, split into two groups to keep the discussion inclusive for everyone and got right into it. Several issues were discussed, and here is a quick summary of some of the main points.
We discussed the importance of advertising for some, which can be very helpful, but to also be aware of not placing too much pressure on this. For instance, when we’re stuttering openly, that can be a form of advertising. How and when people choose to advertise is up to each individual. It may also help to remember that we advertise to help ourselves, more so than for our listener.
One member talked about his experience of people appearing rude during some of his interactions while he stutters. But it’s also useful to remind ourselves, particularly here in NYC, people can often be impatient, and what comes off as being rude probably should not always be taken personally. Reality is that the city stress probably often overshadows people’s kindness.
Another topic that came up was the idea of clean and open stuttering, and being able to stay in the moment. Many times while we stutter it can be instinctive to look away, look down, or just generally not staying present. We may be thinking about when our stuttering is going to end, how people may perceive us at that moment, and a lot of other useless crap. But the idea of not going away could help us, perhaps by strengthening our confidence.
We then shifted gears a bit and did a little role-playing, an activity inspired from our friends at the NSA Brooklyn chapter. The idea was to take some of our positive visualization a step further, challenge ourselves to jump out of our comfort zone, and re-enact any real life situation that we have found to be challenging. This turned out to be really fun and helpful. We’ll be doing more of this going forward.
by Stavros Ladeas | Mar 20, 2014 | Recaps
Monday’s night meeting was a robust gathering of 22 people in total – 19 of whom were PWS and an impressive turnout of 10 first-timers! Welcome to our NSA Midtown Chapter Mihir, Daniel, Vladamir, Marijana, Ajay, Kevin, Melanie, Stephen, Danny and Chani. We are very excited and fortunate to be around a strong and growing stuttering community here in New York City.
We split into two groups and as usual discussed some of the many things stuttering-related on our minds. A few of the members in both of the groups expressed a level of frustration we feel when parents, either currently or in the past, cause by putting uncomfortable pressure to work on our skills. This can be especially exasperating since we live in a culture where people are somewhat conditioned to think that basically every abnormality has some straightforward fix, or even a cure. But unfortunately, outside of these support groups and our community, most people are pretty ignorant on the subject of stuttering and really don’t know what the heck they’re talking about.
One of the first timers, a native from Eastern Europe, expressed how up until joining us tonight, he had never spoken to another person who stuttered. To clarify, he actually has a long-term friend who also happens to stutter, but they have never talked about stuttering over the 30 years of knowing each other. Tonight he spoke to 18 of us about it!
Another first-timer expressed how when compared to his home country of India, people here in the US tend to be more accepting of a person who stutters. It’s safe to say that for some, maybe because of cultural differences, stuttering is still sort of a taboo subject to talk about. But there are others who talk about stuttering freely and happily. One of our members, Dhruv Gupta, a native of India who is currently living in Mumbai, is the leader of a large stuttering community there and is doing an amazing job helping people who stutter and spreading awareness. Dhruv, you’re the man.
We talked about how our fluent friends and acquaintances could better understand stuttering, and maybe even experience how it feels in some way. One of our first-timers, a PWS and an SLP grad student explained that one of her assignments in her stuttering class was to go out into the world and stutter three different times. This can be very effective for fluent speakers in experiencing the iceberg effect related to stuttering – there’s much more going on beneath the surface than what meets the eye.
One member raised the question if some of us have at times let our stuttering hold us back, sort of like a crutch, when in reality it was something else that was preventing ourselves from moving forward. This raised the notion that despite our daily challenges that we may face, we also have a responsibility to hold ourselves accountable for the goals we set out to accomplish in our lives. One member talked about one of his idols, Jack Welch, former CEO of General Electric and a person who stutters. You can listen to a fantastic StutterTalk podcast of him here.
In closing, an analogy that may be applicable and can simplify things a bit is that we’re all dealt a set of cards in our lives, a hand. And many of us who came to group this evening and continue to come to try to figure out how best to play this one hand we have. Together we’ll figure out how to do just that, because together we are strong.
by Stavros Ladeas | Feb 19, 2014 | Recaps
Last night we had a great meeting and a great turnout – fourteen of us, two first timers to the NSA community (welcome Preston and Abdul-Rahiym), thirteen PWS, and one incredible speech pathologist who continues to expand her knowledge on the intricacies of stuttering.
For intros we kept it light and went around saying our names, briefly what brought us here tonight, and one thing that has kept us warm during this frigid winter. Marc W. expressed how Stavro is keeping him warm, which is obviously a ridiculous comment, but Chani kept the vibe classy by saying how she simply ‘bundles up’ before going out in these subarctic temperatures.
Then what ensued was one of the most dynamic NSA meetings I’ve ever been a part of. One member seemed surprised that some of the people in the group were not here to become fluent. Girish explained how for him, ‘chasing the fluency god’ was a path he wasn’t convinced he wanted to go down anymore. Similarly, John Paul expressed how he has stopped ‘fighting’ for fluency. It isn’t worth it to him anymore, and he’s even become a much better communicator in return. Michael T. suggested what works for him is to openly stutter, even voluntarily from time to time. This was a lot to take in for some of us, and as the discussion progressed, it appeared that being a confident person, even an effective communicator, didn’t seem to necessarily require fluency.
We continued to elaborate on this last point; does being an effective communicator require fluency? A book can be written on this. Actually, books have been written on it. ‘Out With It’ by Katherine Preston is a fantastic one. Marc W. feels he’s a very effective communicator, but of course, like many of us, we encounter challenging situations, and sometimes we can be left feeling frustrated. We are human after all. But going back to the notion of being a full-time covert stutterer wasn’t even an option.
I suggested, what are some factors that even affect our perception of our own stuttering? Well, stuttering isn’t talked about much in our society. Perhaps partially due to this, there is a lot of misinformation on it out there. Anyone of us who has asked a friend about stuttering can attest to this. Furthermore, only 1% of the population stutters, and I would guess a significant number of these people are probably covert. And whether we like to admit it or not, the media’s portrayal of what beautiful is, what is expected from us, is something that can influence us and can even condition our beliefs overtime. But Hollywood isn’t real life. What is real are the people who come to our support groups every month, and the thousands of people who have attended the NSA conference year after year. These are some of the most beautiful people I have ever met.
One of our members suggested how his speech therapist told him to never avoid situations, and to not avoid words. Eric J. shared his views on this, explaining to be careful not to be too hard on yourself. In a perfect world it would be nice to go out there, advertise to each and everyone, but sometimes we may encounter a couple bumps on the road, and that doesn’t necessarily have to be such a bad thing. Preston, one of our first-timers brought up a powerful Muhammad Ali quote, “The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.” We’re all on a journey, and for the people that attended this meeting tonight, we are here to grow and change some of our perceptions. Together we can do this, because together we are strong.
